Sunday, March 30, 2008

untitled

I'm this close to going crazy. For normal people, time management is the issue, but for me, it isn't.


I'm so tired of trying to fit to your expectations. I want to make you proud, but I'm so tired of working my ass off and doing everything RIGHT to only, in the end, get shit for every little thing I do. I never get a "GREAT JOB" or, at least, some sign of satisfaction or happiness with what I do. I don't wanna spend time with you if you just give me drama- it's kind of a given. I'm tired of doing what you want me to do. I'm tired of feeling bad for doing what I want, when the truth is that I deserve it. I'm TIRED, so, from now on, I'm going to do whatever the hell I want to do, and not feel bad for being happy. If you can't be happy for me, then at least I have myself and MY happiness.

My patience is crumbling, and you're ruining our relationship- but it isn't my fault. I've put up with too much.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Holden McNeil, Chasing Amy.

"I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very simple. Very truly. You are the epitome of everything I've ever looked for in another human being. And I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would consider but I had to say it. I just can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about it trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship -- no pun intended -- but I had to say it. Cause I've never felt this way before. And I don't care...I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But god I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable...shoot down. And you know, I'll accept that. But I know -- I KNOW that some part of you is hesitating for a moment and if there's a moment of hesitation then that means you feel something too. And all I ask please is that you just not dismiss that and try to dwell on it, for just ten seconds...there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you. And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau, because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that...even if you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed. Because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which while I do appreciate it, I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.
...was it something I said? Fuck."