reflections

last night before work

2008-08-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

i got my 2 upper wisdom teeth pulled today. it's still bleeding and i'm hungry. so i'm trying to think about other things to refrain from hunger.

i start work tomorrow. i'm not very happy about it. i really miss my cousins. i like lounging at home. i like sleeping. i like less stress. ruben's really pushing me to come work with him at diesel, and i'm thinking about taking it. i'm sort of looking forward to it.

school is getting better. i only went to 3 of my classes because i had to go to the dentist, but i feel like i made a good decision from today's classes. my math teacher finally showed up and he reminds me of mr. gregorich (and that's always a good thing). i'm not as worried as i was before.

----

anyways, one thing i've noticed about myself is that i've stopped stressing as much as i used to. kevin and the boys used to tell me that i stress too much. i used to think that they were crazy for saying that about me, but they were right. i'm glad they knocked some sense into me, because i was really obsessing and stressing over the dumbest things. i'm glad things are changing for the better.

idk what else to say,

til next time, XOXO

first day of sophomore year?

2008-08-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

A little too boring for my taste.

Quick Update on Fall classes: 5 classes from 8am to 5:15pm and the gym at 6. I know few people in my classes, which is a good and bad thing. My Math teacher didn't show up, my Econ teacher makes no sense, my Com teacher seems really tough, my IS teacher loves to talk (a little too much and a little too dragging), and my Journalism teacher speaks like the guy from the Clear Eyes commercials. Hopefully, the next few classes become a little more interesting. I'm praying for it.

It really feels like a new year of school. I don't see anyone from last year or the summer very often. It's weird. I also never realized how many of my new and old co-workers go to UNLV until today. Most of my classes are in lecture halls and, get this, ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY for almost all of them. WHAT?! GEEZ, it's really difficult being in school for 9 hours straight. I kind of regret it. But I wanted something new. Other than that, I have ONE goal, and ONE goal only these next 2 semesters. I want to UPGRADE my life - no, I don't want to live lavishly. What I mean by that is I want to be a better person.

Baby steps, Christiane. Baby steps.

Step one: Love more, hate less. // I'll figure out the rest later.

Quick

2008-08-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

So, I thought I had Pink Eye Sunday morning, because my eyes were super super red and they were irritating me the night before. Turns out it was only my contacts that were irritating my eye and my eyes needed to breathe (but I didn't figure that out until this morning when I bought new contacts).. So I wore glasses and stayed home for 24+ hours and, let me tell you, it was not fun at all.

Well, Saturday I got a new phone and Chris kept telling me to get a BlackBerry (apparently, "once you go black you never go back," as quoted by Chris Dinh, himself). So, prone to peer pressure easily, I copped one. I dig, but I don't. I still don't know how to three-way on this thing or put music in it. It pretty much took me two hours to figure out how to get all the phone numbers on my Sim card to the phone book on the phone. Ugh! I really hate high-tech cell phones. I just want a cute phone that knows how to call, three-way, answer, and text. THAT'S IT. hahaha

Today and tomorrow are the only days I have to get my books for school and get school supplies since I'm going on Vacation starting Wednesday. I still don't know if I'll be able to pay for my books, since my parents are paying my tuition this Fall :). Yes, I know, I'm spoiled, but it's the last time for forever and a day.

So, Me and my Dad have to go pick up all 10 family members @ the airport at 11. Then, we're off to the Rocky Mountains on Wednesday or Thursday. In all honesty, I don't like 5+ hour car rides in 10-15 passenger vans. It's very uncomfortable. Especially, if it's not to Cali or something. But whatever, at least I'll see my cousins.

Kevin's buying my longboard for me! It's my early Birthday and Christmas present. His idea, not mine. I'm finally going to catch up with Chris on campus =). Well, other than that, there's nothing else to cover.

I'm off to Wal*Mart to get my things & off to the hospital to pick up my lovely Momma from work!

XOXO

As Summer comes to an end..

2008-08-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

Almost everything is still the same as it was in May. I see/talk to Kev, Jena, and Mona on a day-to-day basis. I still work at Express, except I got promoted to Fashion Expert a little before or after May. My sister is STILL getting taller each and every day and it STILL scares me that she's an eleven year old that's almost taller than me. My family is great. My friends are great. School is great. It's all just great, hahaha.

The differences?

Well, I basically don't have Ruben and Gabby to hang out with at work anymore. They've moved on to bigger and better things: Diesel & Nordstrom. Truces are THE thing nowadays. As of this morning, I've officially quit drinking and.. all the other bad things (well, for a while anyway). Um, I have a case of Vertigo and it hasn't left my system yet, so I get dizzy every night I sleep and every morning I wake up. It feels like all my girlfriends are dating my boys, but just in different pairs this time. Hahahaha. I'm still Ms. M-I-A for two seconds, and then Ms. Social Butterfly the next two seconds.

Honestly, I'll just post when there's something better to write.

I just felt like I was neglecting this thing...

2008-05-21T17:29:00.001-07:00

school finally ended last Thursday, and i'm glad to say that i've been enjoying the time I've been spending since then (except working every morning). it seems like the OGGGG crew is reuniting again, and i've never been happier. i can't wait to see what the rest of the summer brings along.

growing up too fast?

2008-05-10T02:52:00.000-07:00

i'm apparently putting too much on my plate.

i never thought my parents would think i do too much
i beg to differ.
i think i need more shit on my agenda.
i'm starting to feel useless.

and..

2008-05-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

i'm honestly:
trying my best to understand.
trying my hardest to be the bigger person here.
trying, trying, trying.

but i'm afraid i won't be able to do it.
and why does it always have to be a one-way street?

untitled

2008-03-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

I'm this close to going crazy. For normal people, time management is the issue, but for me, it isn't.

I'm so tired of trying to fit to your expectations. I want to make you proud, but I'm so tired of working my ass off and doing everything RIGHT to only, in the end, get shit for every little thing I do. I never get a "GREAT JOB" or, at least, some sign of satisfaction or happiness with what I do. I don't wanna spend time with you if you just give me drama- it's kind of a given. I'm tired of doing what you want me to do. I'm tired of feeling bad for doing what I want, when the truth is that I deserve it. I'm TIRED, so, from now on, I'm going to do whatever the hell I want to do, and not feel bad for being happy. If you can't be happy for me, then at least I have myself and MY happiness.

My patience is crumbling, and you're ruining our relationship- but it isn't my fault. I've put up with too much.

Holden McNeil, Chasing Amy.

2008-03-13T22:36:00.000-07:00

"I love you. And not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very simple. Very truly. You are the epitome of everything I've ever looked for in another human being. And I know you think of me as just a friend and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would consider but I had to say it. I just can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't look into your eyes without feeling that longing you only read about it trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship -- no pun intended -- but I had to say it. Cause I've never felt this way before. And I don't care...I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But god I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable...shoot down. And you know, I'll accept that. But I know -- I KNOW that some part of you is hesitating for a moment and if there's a moment of hesitation then that means you feel something too. And all I ask please is that you just not dismiss that and try to dwell on it, for just ten seconds...there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you. And I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau, because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that...even if you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed. Because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which while I do appreciate it, I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of.

...was it something I said? Fuck."

state of mind

2008-02-27T23:53:00.000-08:00

people come and people go. it's ironic hoping and expecting someone to be around for so long (because at that time, you think you guys get along so well and are so alike), and then all of a sudden, you've lost touch with that person within an instant, mentally & physically. i think that's one of the most important things we need to learn in life- acceptance. some of us always get what we want and have it until we don't want it anymore. with others, trial and error takes place. they simply see if it works, and if it doesn't, then they accept it and move on with their lives. of course, it's very hard to say goodbye whether or not we were given a chance to do so. it's even harder not having any type of closure, because it gnaws at you. you question yourself what the hell you did, or what the hell that person did in order for them to stray away from you in such a short time--- and those questions are never answered.

acceptance has become a huge part of my life THROUGHOUT my life. i think that's why i laugh so much because depressing over things that don't turn out the way i want it is just stupid. live and learn, baby. live and learn.

it all happened so fast

2008-02-19T23:03:00.000-08:00

at this point, i don't really know what to say or how to react. it doesn't really phase me though. i honestly am happy that it ended to be this way.. if this really is the end. i am not trying to be in the way of anything, and if that is what others thought i was intending to do, then i really shouldn't be around in the first place. i don't need consulting, or attention, or anything of that sort. i just want to be respected. i don't want those looks. i don't want anything from you. i'd rather it be this way.

and to every closed door, then there is always a new one that opens. in this case, a door just RE-opened. i really should have seen this one coming.

busy, busy, busy

2008-02-04T01:08:00.000-08:00

my weekends are so fast-paced. i'm losing grip of my social life more and more, then i get it back on the weekdays. my day off tomorrow at last, but i have lots and lots of hw to catch up on. ate's in town right now, unexpectedly. but a great surprise for sure =). even though we barely got to see each other cause of me working and all in the past 48 hours, it's nice to have her presence five feet away from me (as she plays the wii). haha. i'm glad =). i'm trying my best to stay up tonight and at the same time go to class at 8:30 am and actually last during my journalism lecture, ridiculous math lecture, and dragging theatre class. i'll die. but shit, there's nothing coffee can't cure. haaaay.

i've been getting better with the whole issue. it's funny how months ago i couldn't even picture myself in such an awkward situation. but whatever. i'll manage like i always do..

first week of college

2007-09-03T20:50:00.000-07:00

negative aspects. 40-6o pages of reading for homework per class. attendance is mandatory in most of my classes (even though i have no plans in missing even a day). grades are mostly based on exams & papers only. my english 101 professor is a maniac and collects our homework every day. i'm trying my best not to fall asleep in my psychology 101 class, but it's such a bore. an hour in a half of looking like a loser inbetween two of my classes on mondays and wednesdays. barely seeing my friends outside of unlv. $300 worth of books. not knowing what i want to major in for sure yet, i feel like i'm such a failure.

the bright side. i love my women's studies class & professor. my psychology class' exams will be curved, due to the fact that it's the professor's first year teaching the class. powerpoint presentations can be found online, so i won't have such a hard time trying to copy it all down. cute boys. getting closer to mona once again and having two classes with her. the millenium scholarship. having fridays off. food that isn't healthy.

ah, enough about that. time to read my political science text book =(. i miss my social life.

i didn't need you before

2007-08-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

and i'm going to make damn sure that i won't need you now

change is good?

2007-06-19T19:44:00.000-07:00

congratulations, ms. dolores.

it's onnnn

2007-01-22T17:22:00.000-08:00

this weekend, it's onnnnnnnnn babyyyy.
swear to you<333333>

anyways, i love my niggas.

crush, kill, destroy.

2007-01-03T16:33:00.001-08:00

"you can't take yourself too seriously. drink a beer, make some love, smoke a joint-- whatever gets you through. the important thing is that you lived your life with no regrets and had a kick ass time along the way."

- bruce springsteen